No, this isn't me being a conceited douche-bag (Not at this particular time, anyway.).
My name is Matt Kittoe and I'm an underachiever. From the day I was born, great things were expected of me:
"He's going to be president!"
"He's going to be an astronaut!"
"He's gonna punch a mountain into space!"
Well, none of those things happened. Much to the disappointment of my parents, friends, extended family, neighbors and the saucy ladies I meet, I graduated high school with an astounding GPA of .8. I was always one of those kids that the teachers would pull aside after class and lecture about how they're not living up to their potential. They were right, but I usually just ignored their kind words with the mindset that the teachers were "The Man," and that I had to fight all of their efforts by not changing my ways.
I was never into sports either as I was never exposed to them as a child, so I spent the majority of my time nerding it out by playing video games and reading. Earthbound (in my opinion the best game ever made) and the Final Fantasy series had and will forever have a huge impact on my life. You might think that's sad, but despite the build-up of adipose tissue and the fact that I never had sex in high school, those were good times.
After high school I found employment as a sandwich artist in a restaurant that seems to pride itself in the "healthiness" of their food. Since I was now out of high school (with no plans of continuing my education at the time) and not running up and down stairs all day, I soon gained about fifty pounds due to a combination of inactivity and pepperoni sandwiches. Not cool.
Not cool at all.
I'd always been an avid reader of Men's Health magazine but never really applied any of the knowledge I'd gained until one day I came across a three-page article about fitness model Gregg Avedon. Looking basically like a real-life Superman, the guy had accomplished more than most dream of, and continues to kick ass. He became my new hero, and included his workouts on his website to boot.
I immediately used the income tax refund I'd just received to build myself a gym in my parents' basement and invested in several diet books, including David Zinczenko's The Abs Diet. The body part-split programs and somewhat carby diets weren't optimal for me, but considering I was several dozen pounds overweight and extremely sedentary at the time, and due to what some call "the newbie effect" the fat melted like muenster, baby.
I continue to learn new ways to make myself stronger, fitter, faster, smarter and funnier, and though I've experienced some drawbacks over the years, I know that it is entirely within my grasp to be the sexy sex-monster I dream of being.
This site may be a bit confusing at first:
"Wait, did he just go from a blog post about Type-2 diabetes to a story about a crying robot?"
Yes, yes I did.
And so I invite you to join me on this adventure. It isn't going to be easy for either of us, but I know if we're consistent with our dieting, training and constant pursuit of knowledge, we can do this shit.
Oh, and don't forget about the laughing. There'll be plenty of laughing.
And so it begins. Prepare to be impressed...with yourself.
ARE YOU WITH ME!?
Thought so. Let's go punch a mountain into space.
Hugz & Ticklez,
Matt Kittoe
