Welcome to Subshack, Vol. 3: The Old Man

Unsure of what his birth name is, we just call him The Old Man.  He's been employed at Subshack since it was opened, but how long he's actually been working on the piece of land on which the building was raised has yet to be determined.  We've heard tales of him pumping gas in that very spot back in the 1940's when it was a gas station, and rumors of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics of him hunting families of sasquatch have been floating around since I was hired.

The Old Man is also one of the angriest bastards you'll ever come across.  The smallest of errors may send him into a blind rage full of screaming and ranting.  Working harder and being productive will do the same.  The most you can do to avoid being ripped to shreds by his razor sharp claws (his nails haven't been trimmed since 1936, when a whip-wielding archeologist trapped him in a cave and filed them down in an effort to render him harmless) is stand completely still until called upon to do his bidding.

In 2007, Subshack veteran Michael Tejeda discovered a way to soothe The Old Man's madness.  Albeit only a temporary solution, it is an often-used tactic to get through a long shift with important limbs intact:

You've got to rub his belly.

This sends him into a state of short-lived serenity, where he reflects on his past and tells tales of valor, terror and battles long-forgotten by anyone else.

Many have attempted to slay the beast, yet none have succeeded.  It is said that he draws strength from his age and that the devouring of processed meats and grains only amplifies his power.  Taking into account his place of employment and unknown origins, he very well may be unstoppable.  This is proven by his trophy wall; a wall adorned with the heads of fallen heroes who once stood against him.

Should you venture into Subshack in an effort to quell your hunger, heed my words and proceed with great caution.

Ancient texts have prophecied a great hero that will take up arms against the one known as The Old Man and succeed where others have failed.  A hero of humble upbringing and great strength, accompanied by a group of like-minded allies the likes of which have never been seen.

My time will come.

Remember my story.