An Adventure of Epic Proportions

So I've been going over my previous blog posts and had a pretty shocking realization:

I seem way more put-together than I actually am.

While a few things in my life are pretty well thought-out and organized, my weekly schedule reads like a monkey shit fight at the zoo.  I've got my morning ritual and workout routines down pretty well, and it's not often that I let myself go off track or get distracted from those two things.  The rest of the day, however, is pretty much me just "living in the moment." That sounds good in theory, but instead of doing cool stuff like hiking or going to a farmer's market (yes, those things are cool to me.  And yes, I am lame), I tend to watch multiple episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in one sitting or take three-hour naps.  I'm not all that great at making spur-of-the-moment good decisions; I'm more likely to take a twenty-minute drive to the grocery store based on a sudden craving for yogurt than to sit down and actually do something constructive.

I'm telling you all this because I want to be completely honest and forthcoming with you guys.  I don't want to give the impression that I have it all figured out, because I don't.  If I post something on here where I'm offering advice, it's because I feel that I can talk about the subject as a result of many hours of casual research and do so without coming off as a complete retard.  The purpose of this site is to help you where I can and hope you'll join me in my voyage to create a lifestyle worthy of envy and emulation.

Think of it this way:

You've embarked on an epic quest to save the world.  You have a long, arduous journey ahead of you, with many battles yet to be fought and many miles to be traveled.  In order to emerge victorious, you need to never stop believing yourself and surround yourself with people who will offer support and help you slay the occasional chimera or cactuar.

During your quest you learn that in order to obtain the information you need to continue, you must make a stop in a tiny village called Teh Interwebz.  There are many people here who will offer you words of wisdom:  wizards who are especially well-learned in their craft,  as well as fools in pointy hats who pretend to be so.  In fact, it's quite difficult to find useful information sometimes.  Ask a man on the street about dealing with dark elves and there's a good chance he'll hand you a book full of naked pictures of drunken gnomes.

While visiting the local tavern, you meet a man who offers to join your party.  He seems brutish yet well-spoken.  It is evident that he means well, yet he insists that trolls shouldn't wear tweed jackets; it's just not becoming of them.  He's a paladin in training, with basic knowledge of healing and strength buffs.  He wields a magical hammer named "The Blog," and is also incredibly handsome (hey, it's my story).

This man will do what he can to help you reach your goals, for your destinations are similar.

Stop Mourning the Morning: 6 Ways to Slay the A.M. Dragon

So I'm kind of a morning person.

In fact, I think it's safe to say that morning is most likely my favorite part of the day.  There's just something about the calmness of it all.  To know that the next hour or two are yours alone, and the only things you have to do to stay productive are seemingly mundane, almost meditative tasks.  Whatever horrible things you went through yesterday are behind you.

It's a new day, and it's fresh chance for you to make improvements.  Did you spend yesterday sitting on your ass and watching Youtube videos?  Did you accomplish none of the things you told yourself you would?

Been there.

I'm getting better, however, and it has a lot to do with how my day begins.  It's easy to set yourself up for a really crappy day by waking up, griping about the day ahead, munching on a Pop Tart (or not eating breakfast at all) and chugging gas station coffee in the car on your way to work.  It takes just a wee bit more effort, but I guarantee if you use the guidelines I've provided here that you too can become a morning person.  Instead of opening your door and making the arduous ten-foot journey to your car, you'll break straight through your front door like a viking, sprint to your car, lift it over your head, throw it over the horizon while screaming and grunting like the Hulk and run to work with the speed of The Flash.

You bet your ass.

Get a good night's sleep.

I really hope I don't need to explain the benefits of sleeping.  Set a goal for seven to nine hours of sleep a night.  This of course makes a huge difference when it comes to how you're feeling in the morning, and not getting enough (or too much) sleep can make or break the entire next day.

Wake up with gusto.

As soon as the alarm sounds, I jump out of bed like the house is on fire, because I know if I continue to lay down that five seconds can easily turn into an hour.  It makes it easier when your alarm is a catchy up-beat tune, so I installed a program on the computer in my bedroom called Alarmwiz, which is a nifty alarm that will play any mp3 of your choosing.  You can use it to set up several alarms for different occasions and turn them on and off whenever.  It's pretty awesome.

My favorite wake-up song is Huey Lewis' Hip To Be Square, thanks to an episode of NBC's Chuck.

Chug! Chug! Chug!

When you're done dancing like a drunkard to Lady Gaga, make your way to the kitchen and make yourself a tall glass of ice water.  Now drink it.  It's important to replenish fluids first thing in the morning because after eight hours you're pretty dehydrated.  It also gets your body's systems going and according to various studies, drinking ice water in the morning boosts your metabolism by getting your internal "furnace" going.  Even if you find that hard to believe, there are still plenty of reasons to do it.

Exercise, or something.

Personally I like to get on my stationary bike for a bit while I watch an episode or two of Seinfeld.  The idea of it sucks, but a little fasted cardio before breakfast makes you feel incredible.  Trust me.  Sometimes I'll follow it up by a little meditation.  In place of the bike you could also do yoga, or if the weather permits, just take a walk around the block.

Oh, and stretch. 

Babies for breakfast, babies for dinner

Ditch the cereal for a week, cooking yourself a tasty breakfast with a nice ratio of protein, fats, and carbs.  You'll thank me.

My favorite breakfast lately?  Scrambled eggs made with 1 whole omega-3 egg, 4 egg whites and chopped spinach, topped with a nuked mixture of lentils, salsa and cumin, with a side of natural uncured bacon.  For those of you who think that sounds awful, it's better than it sounds.  For you folks out there who think it sounds amazing...it is.

If you want to get a little schmancy, try yerba mate in place of coffee every now and again.  It's a South American tea that has caffeine in it, along with theobromine, the euphoriant in chocolate.  It'll give you energy and mental clarity without the jitters.

Take a Scottish shower.

No, I don't mean singing the Oscar Meyer wiener song in your best Sean Connery voice.  Basically it just means turning the faucet to the cold setting for the last couple of minutes while showering.  It'll be just awful the first couple of times you do it, but you'll feel like a new man/woman afterward.  Other than just the wake-up factor, benefits of cold showers include improving circulation, boosting testosterone, increasing fertility and promoting the release of growth hormone (great for burning fat and gaining muscle).  Of course it also closes your pores, so prepare to look smooth.

Just following these guidelines should produce almost immediate results.  Why?  In most cases a good morning leads to a good day, so it's best to make the most out of the first hour or two after you've arisen from your slumber.

You might even say that creating the perfect morning for yourself is the first step in achieving all your hopes and dreams.



...you might say.


Have any of your own tips to tame the dreary-eyed beast known as the morning?  Wake up and comment!